The Sun I Carried Alone

My mind is travelling to a distant past
Away from this wasteland so cold and vast
I think of the things that I never do
Like watching the moon and thinking of you
Now I will tell you what I have done all since I left I've been holding the gun
I've carried the memories of you my dear
But now I feel lost and surrounded by fear
You are my mom and you would know best what are the feeling that grow in my chest
It feels like it's bounded and made out of hate
What can I do but sit here and wait
I have been changed, I have grown and all I hope you forgive my incompetent scrawl.

My hands are not soft
They are hard as steel
So is my heart, but I can still feel
I had no choice, when I left you alone
It hurts even now, down to my bone
But I will come home to sing you a song
I hope you have faith, I hope you are strong
The memory of you, I left it at home
It feels like a sun that I carry alone
You are now gone inside my mind
You will see me, but I will be blind
The days have not been kind to me
Oh how miss the smell of the sea
All I now can breed through the air
Is blood, hate and a killing despair
Maybe I won't return at all
This journey might be my final fall
I can't remember the face of you
I thought I had it, I thought I knew
I want to release this final shot
My soul will fly from this senseless spot
This is my dream, I fear it will end
All my love to you I will send. I hope you receive this note from me
I want to escape, to live and be free
I regret if I told you a single lie
I'm ready to leave, I'm ready to die.