That's Why You Love Me

[EDGY ROCKER GUY]
I never open up your door
I never shower you with praise
When you call or text my phone
I don't reply to you for days
I can't hold down a job
I failed my G.E.D.
I'm angry then indifferent
And babe, oooh babe
That's why you love me
That's why you love me.

[EDGY BRITISH GUY]
I take you out to awesome meals
But can't afford to pay the checks
I will pledge eternal love
Then leave your place right after sex
I always say I'm booked
In truth, I'm usually free
I canceled on your birthday
And babe, oooh babe
That's why you love me.

[EDGY ROCKER GUY]
That's why you love me.

[BOTH]
That's why you love me.

[EDGY BRITISH GUY]
You love how I keep you guessing
If I'm interested or not.

[EDGY ROCKER GUY]
And how I tell your mother
That she is super-frickin' hot!

[BOTH]
How I cover up my lies
By sayin' I'm hangin' with the guys
No one'll treat you half as nice
I only cheated on you twice...

You've got no choice
You know you're hooked
You're hooked!
You gave it up on our first date
Oh yeah!

[EDGY BRITISH GUY]
After I told you you looked fine
But had to lose a little weight.

[EDGY ROCKER GUY]
Only ten pounds!

[BOTH]
I'm bound to disappoint
I'm sure that you'd agree.

[EDGY BRITISH GUY]
I'm snotty and neglectful.

[EDGY ROCKER GUY]
I'm nasty and self-serving.

[BOTH]
I've got a giant penis!
And babe, oooh, babe
That's why you love me
That's why you love me
That's why you love me
That's why you love me!