Benny The Bouncer

Benny was the bouncer at the Palais de Dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest
Until he met with Savage Sid.

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of Guinness over Benny's boots
Benny looked at Sidney
Sidney stared right back in his eye
Sidney chose a switchblade
And Benny got a cold meat pie
Oh! what a terrible sight
Much to the people's delight
One hell of a fight.

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it .... in Benny's head
The people gasped as he bled
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the Palais in bits
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit
But some of him was missing
And part of him arrived too late
So now he works for Jesus
As the bouncer at St. Peter's Gate.